A time before vampires filled little girls' fantasies

In the good old days, more respected was the slayer of vile creatures of the night than the girl who romances them. It was during this time that many of the many of the most epic heroes were vampire slayers (which would probably be the most awesome occupation ever). One of the coolest vampire slayers ever created was Simon Belmont, the protagonist of the game Castlevania. He was pretty much the most ridiculous protagonist ever invented (due in part to the fact that the quest he faced was among the hardest games ever created). Simon Belmont wielded a whip and did things with it that could make Indiana Jones look like a little girl jumping rope. Plus he could use holy water as a weapon and had a cross boomerang in his arsenal= the most awesome set of weapons ever. Among his other abilities was the ability to eat rancid meat which had been sitting on the floor for who knows how long; I would never be hungry again. Really the only downside I could see to beeing Simon Belmont is that there were no girls in the game. But you know, who needs girls anyway?