It's the economy, stupid! (©™ Dylan French)

The United States has a lot of debt. But you're not here for intro paragraphs, I can tell. So BOOM, we're going straight to solutions.

1. Cut welfare. No more "poor" people getting government checks to pay for new Caddys and flat-screen TV's. Force them to get jobs if they want to survive and stop spending billions of government dollars on them. If they complain, just have Obama give a 3-word speech, "deal with it." It's just pointless to waste resources on welfare; instead try and create more jobs and avoid poverty entirely.

2. Raise taxes. We just got out of a very long war, and instead of raising taxes at that time, we actually lowered them. Our military budget is higher than every other developed country's combined (source Ethan Campbell), and attempting to sustain that without a substantial tax increase, something that had been done with every previous war in the nation's history, was stupid. Insert nonsensical defense of Bush here.

3. Get rid of pennies. Start rounding everything to 5's and just melt them down or something. It's probably not even worth that actually, so just throw them away. Or maybe when we round things, we always round up, and the government takes those extra couple cents as additional tax? Because how many times do you hear someone say "keep the change" when all it is is a few cents? They're entirely worthless.