getting dumped for dummies (please disregard my minimal experience on this topic)

Being dumped is always unfortunate, and most always unpleasant. Although it is much easier to pity yourself and cry in your warm cozy bed all day for the next month, DON’T DO IT. You might think that you’ll never get over it, but then again you also thought it would last forever. Life moves on. Or, more importantly, your life moves on.

On day 1 (or days 1, 2, and maybe 3 if you are on a weekend and/or your relationship was longer than 6 months) you are allotted personal grieving time. I suggest getting an abundance of Lindt chocolate, tissues, and chick flicks. Find a box, preferably one that fits under your bed, and fill it with anything and everything that reminds you of this “ex”. After you have either filled it to the brim or (if you’re lucky enough) didn’t even get it halfway but ensconced all remnants of their existence that is in your possession, shove it under your bed and let it keep the dust bunnies company. Cry your eyes out, blow your nose, watch those chick flicks while wishing you were in the gorgeous heroine’s (with the cute boyfriend) place, and savor every single bite of that four dollar chocolate bar! Because this is the only time you get to do so.

When you wake up the next day, do not go to school looking like a forlorn disaster. That will not make your ex want you back, or any boy for that matter, it will only make him look at other girls more longingly. Do not let yourself become depressed, on the hunt for a replacement, or desperate (from all aspects). You are you, and there was life before this “ex” entered it, so live it. The classy individuals who find you attractive will not swarm you the minute your facebook relationship status has changed, so do not become frantic for attention. I don’t want to sound like the protective mother, but your main priority for now should be schoolwork, because trust me, when you do not chase down boys, the boys come to you. In that regard, you kill two birds with one stone (get good grades and find someone new).

Now, dealing with nosy classmates, facebook acquaintances who act like they know you, and friends is inevitable. But it is important that you do not give away too much and you are consistent in your answer. And by all means DO NOT cry in front of them. You will not get their pity, and you will only weird them out. If there is anyone you must cry to, it is your mommy. That is what she is there for and you can always trust her because she does not have a hidden agenda, as I sadly must admit, some “friends” do. Every time you are asked “What happened?” or “I am so sorry! Are you alright?” you should have a short and sweet answer that does not narrate the whole story or bad-mouth your ex (because that will make you look a lot worse than you are trying to make him seem). After all, it is your business, not theirs. When they ask, it is either out of nosiness or politeness. So, never tell your problems to anyone; 20% don't care, and the other 80% are glad you have them. This also includes posting depressing statuses or tweets. It is pathetic, and although you might get 15 “likes” or 4 “retweets” it is not worth sacrificing your dignity. That is what a diary is for…duh.

Honestly, the best thing to do is keep yourself busy. Go spend time with your friends, because God knows you probably did not give them as much attention as they deserved while you were consumed with that “ex”, and let yourself have fun. Don’t worry about being bombarded with questions, because good friends will just let you be and help fixate your mind on something more enjoyable. Exhaust yourself! Between school work, spending time with friends, and exercising (which, did I mention is a MUST to keep your body in shape but also to help battle the mental depression your ex has made you prone to?) you will become so tired that sleeping will be dreamless and all you will be able to think about in your solo-spare time will be Tempur-Pedic pillows and soft, fuzzy, blankets.

In regards to your ex, do not be overdramatic around them. If you want to send a statement, acting like you hate them may not be the best way to do so (although, it is so much easier), because hate isn’t the opposite of love; indifference is the opposite of love; and if you hate, then you still care. Let me add, that being passive-aggressive does not constitute indifference. For a little while, it is best not to text them for “homework”. Either find someone else to ask, or pay more attention in class. If the teacher told them, he/she most certainly told you as well. And by no means “accidently” text them something you would send to a person you are interested in and then say “sorry wrong number!” That does not fly, and you only give the appearance of having a petty personality. In addition, do not play the “I’m going for your best friend” card, because both your ex and their friend will lose respect for you. That is, unless the friend welcomes your advances, in which case you might want to reconsider wanting someone with such shallow morals.

At the beginning, breakups may submerge you under the impression that they complicate your life, but in reality they make it much simpler. The main obstacle to face is the emotional rollercoaster that may or may not make your eyes water whenever you hear their name uttered, or which could make half of your school day awkward as hell because they are in your classes (and by they I mean even multiple exes…God forbid). So I wish you the best in the single world, and stay classy.