How To Get Nervous

You have a solo, which you KNOW you deserve. Congratulations! But of course you must know there is someone else out there who believes-maybe accurately- that they deserve it more than you do. So here are all the things you need to know in order to be sufficiently nervous before your big gig.

First of all, you are not the greatest at what you are doing. There is someone else in your ensemble whose voice is undoubtedly more angelic than yours. Sing well and practice until it is perfect, for they will judge you.

Also keep in mind that you cannot practice enough. For you to be as good as you think you are (and you're not), then you must practice more than a measly hour, which you probably don't have. But practice does not actually make perfect because perfection is unattainable, and your practicing didn't sound anywhere NEAR perfect. Remember all your shortcomings in your performing? Yeah. You can't fix those immediately. They come with time, which you don't have.

And remember that person in the audience who you want to impress? Yeah. They are here. And they know your reputation-deserved or not. So if you don't deliver a 200 percent performance then they WILL be disappointed. Oh, your parents are there for support to. They might be recording this. It will sound terrible on the recording. Whether or not the apparatus is known for quality recording or not, it will sound horrendous.

Oh yeah! And remember that idiosyncratic habit you have when you stand in front of that GIGANTIC and JUDGEY audience? Do try not to do that. Your attempts will be in vain-as you well know, but you can try anyway for kicks and giggles. Do you hear your heartbeat? You might start sweating soon. Congratulations on wearing the ONE shirt you own that shows sweat. But maybe that's a good thing. Your sub par performance will be ignored in favor of paying attention to your sweatiness. How gross.

So congratulations on your solo. But your nerves, while completely irrational, are gonna be there too.