How to annoy a cat

Cats. So smug, so confident. As they waltz down your hallway, they seem immovable as stone, and more arrogant than one would think possible. However, if you know how, you can tear down their smug façade with anything from a laser pointer to a simple strip of tape. Here are some of the best ways of pissing off your family pet.

• Cats can be affectionate, but only on their terms. One way of annoying a cat is to scoop him up and cuddle with him when he clearly does not wish to be cuddled. Sweet talk him, sing him a silly song, and smother him with affection. This will guarantee hatred from your cat for a short while.
• We all know laser pointers can be fun, especially in class. Whenever the teacher's back is turned, the annoying red dot appears on the board, or on a poster, and the class begins to snicker. The objective of the user in the class is to not let the teacher see the dot. When playing with a laser pointer at home, around your cat, the objective changes: once the cat sees the dot, he will have no choice but to frantically pursue it all over the house, but without success. The red dot will elude his grasp, no matter how vigorously he chases.
• Tape: useful in so many ways. One of the less obvious uses for this wonderfully adhesive material is complete annoyance of your cat. Take a small piece of any kind of tape, preferably duct tape, and place it on your cat's fur at the base of his skull, or anywhere else out of reach to him. Then watch as he struggles to remove the infuriating strip.
• One last way of annoying your cat is humiliation. Dress him up in cute little outfits and have ridiculous photo shoots. He will either lay on the ground and stare at you in hatred or struggle until he escapes from his adorable outfit.

In short, annoying a cat is a simple way of wasting a few minutes of your life. Please remember, though, that your cat is part of your family, and reward the cat with love and treats after you finish your annoying antics.