Eyewitness Reports of Protestors "Fighting Back"

October 28, 2011

Multiple reports are coming in today of Occupy Wall Street protestors being forcibly removed from their locations around the nation, with local officials declaring that the protestors needed to leave to "protect the safety of their citizens."

To look into these reports, we interviewed multiple persons at the scene of the "Occupy Springfield" protest. One such protestor screamed at our interviewer, "We have rights!" just before he was tackled to the ground by twelve officers in full riot gear.

Eager to learn more on the situation, we were fortunately able to talk to a couple of the police officers on the scene, most of which were marching down the street throwing tear gas at the so-called "Peaceful Protestors".

“One protestor called me a ‘doofus’," one such officer states, "so I stepped out of line and bludgeoned him around three or so times. It's just appalling what these protestors are doing to threaten our American way of life."

"We're just protecting the people. We wouldn't want anybody to get hurt," another told me as he kicked a semi-conscious protestor in the face.

The mayor of Springfield was asked to comment on the situation, stating, "We understand the delicate nature of this situation, and are doing our best to resolve it peacefully by utilizing teargas, flashbangs, and rubber bullets, which have only mortally wounded a few people thus far. The sooner we get rid of these damn protestors the sooner our citizens can rest easy at night, knowing that the police officers in this city can and will protect them and their beliefs."

Occupy Wall Street splinter protests are now occurring worldwide. Hopefully these horrendous displays of "Peaceful" protesting will be quelled uniformly, so things can go back to the way they used to be, change-free.