Snow Globes

As a TSA professional security guard, it is my duty to protect our passengers from hazardous items. While grenades and nunchucks are obviously banned, there is another deadly item that can no longer be ignored: the snowglobe.

Snowglobes may appear in gift stores as cheery reminders of a vacation well-spent, they hold a terrifying secret: they are truly lethal weapons. Although the little flakes of snow that swirl around when you shake your special gift may seem totally harmless, they are really small pieces of white plastic. And that “water you think they’re floating around in? It’s actually water with antifreeze.

And if snow globes weren’t bad enough, there’s the fearsome tornado globe, in which the “snow” is fabricated out of an even more dangerous substance: foam. In these tornado globes, the deadly “static cling” syndrome will cause the foam to stick to the plastic keeping the foam’s deadly force away from the unsuspecting passengers.

So these are the reasons for our keen awareness of what goes though our checkpoints. Your monkey diapers, baby formula, and homemade pies from your Aunt Fredericka are all safe to pass, but the snow globe you purchased in that harmless looking Hallmark store? It must be removed from the system to protect our nation from its awesome, but fatal, power.